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Could he cost Gary business, he’s been working so hard. I convinced myself I had to go through with it now. Was I being honest with myself? Was I now using this as an excuse because deep down, I still wanted that thrill I missed so many years ago? I tried to convince myself that wasn’t it, that I simply had no choice. I was dressed casually, that was good enough. I was no longer thinking of this as a romantic rendezvous. I still had some time so I fixed myself some coffee and sat, almost comatose, thinking. I stared into space and at that wall clock Gary had put up. I had no idea what to do. I got myself into this mess, how do I get myself out? Sitting there I told myself I needed to do this, to sacrifice myself for my husband. As I sit here now, remembering that moment, I think to myself, what a pile of crap. I was so conflicted I didn’t know what I was doing. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not looking for sympathy and I not making excuses. It was my decision and I blew it. I took. We went to her top floor flat and waved awkwardly at Sally as I walked in the door. I remember when at uni and walking in to a psych unit for a midday handover and being the only guy in a room with three female nurses, all of which I’d fucked, and it not feeling this awkward.I poured the wine and made small talk. I was determined to have my threesome but it was looking more likely that I’d crash on the sofa with my cock in my hand.As the wine flowed I asked how things were going and they said they were just friends with benefits. I realised that I was going to have to be at my most manipulative that night if I was to get to fuck one of those women, let alone both.A short time later when the conversation lulled I asked Lisa about what had happened downstairs when I leaned in to kiss her cheek. She was a little nervous and said that she didn’t know what I wanted, in a defensive way. “Did you worry that you’d upset Sally?” I asked in serious tones. “No!” she said, indignantly. I thought.
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